I've been doing a lot of cleaning up my life recently. I feel that the only way to be happy in life is to let go of the past and surround myself with positive energy....no no I'm going to go crazy and spend my life savings on crystals ah la Spencer and Heidi! Don't worry dear friends,I have not gone that crazy in my search for a little normalcy!
Instead the first thing I aim to tackle is moving beyond relationships that have ended badly, mainly the ones from my jobs. To be in the childcare field, specifically as a nanny or au pair where you live in the house, you develop strong relationships with the children and families. It is devastating when things end badly because you generally care for them. I have worked for many many families. For the past 4 years that is the only work (besides my year long stint working for IDOC), I have done. I wish I could say that all my experiences ended positively, but I can not. Things generally end two ways with me, really good or really bad. I still speak regularly with some families and other I would avoid like the plague. I have ended all of my experiences in all but one case. I have been fired from a job once (although I had discussed leaving so fired? let go early might be better) and I have harbored such resentment from this family.
I'm not going to sit here and blame them completely for this situation because I know that there are two sides to every story and I like to be open minded and except some of the blame but how things ended really hurt me. They were my second family to nanny for, and actually convinced me to leave my 1st nanny job for them. We had a great relationship that went beyond employer/employee. There were issues, as nothing is ever perfect, but in the end it turned hostile. I was actually visiting home when I got the call that when my flight arrived back in New Jersey that night I was to pack my things and leave. (There was previous discussion of me moving back home or looking for different employment a situation that came about amicably with no hard feelings,but to be kicked out was devastating.) I was young. I was 19, I trusted these people, felt like their family, and to be thrown out and never spoken to again really affected me to this day.
Anyways, last night I decided to address this hurt and accept what happened and move on. So I looked the mother up on facebook and sent her a message. I simply stated my feelings, wished her the best and offered to send her the photo's of our last trip together. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I could have went about the letter in a way that further provoked the situation or I could have kept on living with my hurt and anger. Instead I took the high road and in all honesty I feel so much better about it. She ended up replying immediately and her response was not one that I expected, she was polite, wished me well, and complimented me on how pretty I was. I feel like I got the closer I have been looking for, and in only took four years!!!
It is easy to hold onto these emotions and let them eat at you. To address them and to take action is hard. Last night when I wrote that letter I wasn't sure if I could send it. I didn't know if I was strong enough to let go of the resentment.It was something as easy as emailing photo's and letting go. For four years I wasn't able to let go! If I've learned anything these last two years with the WL process is that I am strong and I can do what needs to be done.
I am an emotional eater. I have struggled with this my whole life. I am a very emotional person and I take things very personal. I hate letting people down and if I get rejected it is something that I hold onto. By cleaning up my life (letting go and moving on) I hope to use it to tackle these emotional eating issues. I don't want to look back in five years and still be holding onto these feelings and letting them hinder me from making positive choices in my life.
So my big challenge that I am setting for the next month is to do emotional cleaning of my life. During this time I want to work on addressing my emotional eating: identifiying the triggers and finding positive solutions to stop it. Look for weekly posts on progress!
Have you ever done an emotional cleanse of your life? Have you ever had issues that may seem trivial to most stick with you in life? Any suggestions on how to do emotional cleaning?!!!