Wednesday, June 23, 2010

poisonous pancakes and criticism

Okay so I spent all day yesterday battling some type of stomach bug, it was either due to a virus I picked up from the kids or my pancakes. I would love to blame the kids since they are sick at the moment, but I think I'm going to have to go with the real pancakes!

I didn't realize one could screw up pancakes when all they had to do was add water, but that is me folks....apparently I lack culinary skills!

I will admit that my cooking ability has greatly improved since the start of my weight loss journey (minus this recent bout of food poisoning!). I use to always do frozen meals, take out, or stopping by my parents house to get leftovers! Since none of those options are very healthy when I made the decision to actively try to lose weight I knew I had to learn to cook. I've learned the basics and no longer will I starve living in a country that lacks fast food, frozen meals, and my mama! However, I am the person who makes soup that tastes like water, can screw up an omelet, and apparently makes poisonous pancakes! I still have a long way to go, but I think I will get there!

I read this article that led me to do some reflecting. I am byfar my worst critic, and I am guilty of being critical of others. I was once told that sarcasm is one of my best traits.....That's not a good thing people!

I worked in a prison (bet you didn't know that!) and I was probably the most hated officer because the offenders thought I looked down on them because of how sarcastic I was. That wasn't the case, in reality I don't think I am better then anyone and I did not feel I was above these people that in the majority had just made a mistake in their lives. But my attitude was not something to be desired. During my life I went from being this carefree young girl, to this guarded adult. I put up walls and developed sarcasm and criticism as defense mechanisms. I wasn't going to be weak and in my mind I had to be this harsh person to avoid being criticized. I think that I have become more open recently and hope that on the outside people can see the changes, I don't want to be critical of others.

I'm often guilty of being my own worst critic. I see weight loss stories and compare them to my own. I wonder why I haven't lost weight as quickly as they did, I wonder why I can't stay on plan 100% of the time, I compare myself to people and then start with the negative self talk. When I go up a few pounds I automatically think that I will be back at 286 overnight. In reality I need to lay off. I wouldn't take this talk from someone else so why do I feel it is okay to talk to myself like that?

After much reflecting this past week and trying to have more positive self talk, I've realized that I need to except myself and realize that I am human (for a type A perfectionist this is hard!). I have come to realize that I am not going to be back up at 286 ever! I am aware when I gain weight and I don't give up, so what if the scale occasionally goes up? I know that it won't be up for long. My weight loss is longer then a lot of peoples, but I've experienced a lot more progress then most. I haven't given up when things get tough, I have changed so much of my bad eating behaviors, I am getting healthy. There are so many good things that I am doing with my life opposed to the bad!

I have managed to lose the weight I previously gained. I am back at 219. It has been a lot less stressful these few days eating without calorie counting. I am more aware of what I'm eating and am not hungry all the time with calorie counting. So I plan to stick with my way because it is all about being on a program you can maintain on!

Are you your own worst critic? How do you stop the negative self talk and embrace your journey?

1 comment:

  1. I do the same thing honestly. I constantly wonder why it seems to be so much easier for everyone else to lose weight.

    We ARE our own worst critics. It stinks. I just have to remember that it doesn't matter how fast it happens or who does it faster. What matters is that this is a lifestyle change that I am embracing and I WILL lose weight. Period.

    I really hope you feel better, bug or not, being sick stinks!